Hey! Hope you're good! :) Last days have been colorful & comprehensive. Today I want to talk about my feelings and thoughts. Lately, I look around and I don't see what I want to see. Lately, I don't hear what I want to hear. Lately, I don't feel like myself.
I'm excited about what future holds, mostly because I know it's going to be relief for me. I will stop lying to people, I'm not going to say them that I love them, that I care when truly I don't feel anything, but right now I'm not brave enough to be myself and to break someone's heart. I will leave so many people behind me. And I'm not sad. Because people who care about me, will stay with me. And today, I already know who I'm leaving behind my back and who's going to be next to me after year.
Lately, I don't see what I want to see. I know that I can be better version of myself. Egoistic, succesful, brave & happy. I know that I can be whoever I want to be! And nobody will ever convince me that I'm wrong. If you don't believe in yourself, you will never love yourself & be happy. Also, I know that I can be healthy, young woman. And I can't wait for the moment when I will feel better (sore throat) because I want to get out of my house and go for a run.I want to feel like myself, I want to be better version of me and I'm going to do this! I'm not going to sit at the edge, when I know that I can be better than everyone else, that I can do better that others. I'm not going to shut my mouth when it hurts, when you just have to say: we're OK, but it still fucking hurts. I'm not going to shut my mouth when I know I'm right, I'm old enough to express my point of view to adults, because I'm adult now. I'm not going to say YES when I will feel like NO and reversely. I will love myself and think just about me and my future, because what else can I do? I will not rely on others because no matter what's going on, no matter who's your friend - everybody fuck your life upside down at some moment if you don't keep your eyes open.
To all people who still read this: I'm not arrogant b#tch, but this is me. And this is my letter to Future Me and whenever I'm going to feel bad and ready to give up I will re-read this. Also, if you're ever feeling bad, read this and keep your head up! Maybe this is to cheesy, but after I wrote down this I felt way better than before, this is energy boost!
Talk to you soon! Kisses